i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
