Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
