she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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