Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
