I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
