dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
