I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
