pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You are a genius and a whore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
