Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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