Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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