he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
