wake up i wanna do it froggy style
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
