wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
