Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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