Will you blow on my dice?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
