Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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