Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
