Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
