Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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