So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
