Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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