i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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