Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
