6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
