dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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