How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let's paint friendship bongs
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
