I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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