Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
