I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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