after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
