White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
