All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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