I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
