I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
