...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
