you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
