i permit you to call me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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