he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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