she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
