i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think a kid would responsible me up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
