i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am available for nakedness
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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