in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
