we have officially lost it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
