Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
