I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
