I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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