Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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