im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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