what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
