Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
