in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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